God’s timing is the perfect timing: A letter to Josh

Our story is my favorite story. We grew up together and always were the best of friends. From co-op adventures, to family dinners, woods riding, downtown get downs, birthday parties, and bon-fires, we have a book full of memories and good times. It was my 18th birthday when our “friendship” started to change. Daddy always teased me about how you were in love with me, but I brushed it off and said “NAH, we are just friends, he’s my family” I was young dumb and boy crazy, too distracted to even realize everything my daddy had told me was true. You came to my birthday party guitar in hand (just like i requested) and didn’t leave my side. I however was snuggled up to another guy not paying you any attention. Months passed on and the boy I was snuggled up to had come and gone but we were still as close as ever. Hanging out whenever we could, going to concerts, weekly stake and shake outings after church. It wasn’t until it was too late that I realized I started to develop deeper feelings for you.

It was the moment I started noticing that you were hanging out with another girl, and we weren’t talking much that made me realize I cared deeply for you and I didn’t want to lose you. I made myself go to the church basketball game because I knew you were going to be there and wanted to ask you and hear it for myself if you were dating someone. You looked me in the eyes and said “nope just friends” two weeks later I saw the Facebook Official post, and my heart sank. I was sad but brushed it under the rug. I gave up on the feeling of “maybe we were meant to be” and moved on with my life. A month later I started dating someone as well.

Fast forward two years later my relationship ended. It was mutual, and it was necessary. God started tugging on my heart and I just wanted to give him my all. Two weeks later I had a dream about my future husband, I couldn’t see his face, but he was tall, had a beard, played the guitar and we were leading people into worship together. I woke up and you were the first person who popped in my head. When I told my dad about that dream he said “Oh so Josh is back in the running”  I laughed and said “oh goodness no dad, he’s in a serious relationship, plus that would never happen.”

A little more time had passed and God kept placing you on my heart to pray for. You stopped coming to church, you seemed angry and upset all the time and my heart was breaking for you. I prayed that you would find your first love again, that whatever was hindering you from your God given calling I asked that it would be removed. As I spent months praying for you, Mattea came to me out of the blue one day and asked me if I had ever had feelings for you and I broke down crying because I used to, and a part of me still cared so deeply for you. Mattea stated that she really feels like we will end up together but once again I blew it off. You were in a relationship and all i wanted was for you to be happy. I wanted whatever God had for you. So, I continued to pray for you and prayed for Gods will over your life.

May 2018, one of our pastors started praying and prophesying over me. He told me that “God is bringing my future husband to you. He is moving things and aligning him for you. He is doing a work on his heart and setting him on the right path.  He’s being fixed like a clock.” While he was praying you popped in my head, and all I could do was start praying for you.

August 2018, I had the most vivid dream about you. You were back in church and back on the worship team and everything seemed normal. In my dream I was at church and Mattea came to me and said “You know they broke up right?” and I was like “wait what” all of a sudden I was behind stage with you. You were wearing your dark green Columbia shirt. I looked at you and asked if you were okay and you looked at me and gave me the biggest hug and said “yes, I just really missed yall,” I looked at you and said “Josh I missed you too and I love you” and you said you loved me too and you didn’t release me from your hug. Then suddenly, we were back at the house playing games and, me you and Mattea went woods riding. Everything was back to normal and then I woke up. I told Mattea about the dream the next day and she said “Madeline, maybe that’s God telling you what’s to come. Hold on to that and continue praying for his heart.” So that’s what I did.

October until the beginning of December 2018 were the hardest months for me. I was upset with God and annoyed that nothing was playing out how I thought it was supposed to. I gave up on my dreams and it hurt to pray for you. I was deeply saddened and completely confused. December 1st,  was my breaking point. I hit rock bottom and realized I needed to change my heart and actions. I got so real with God, I cut off all social media. I decided to refocus and reevaluate my life and my heart. The whole month God reminded me that He always fulfills His promises. Whatever he speaks to us, He will bring to pass, but He will bring it to pass when the timing is right in HIS eyes. During the month of December and all through January I told God its just me and Him or nothing. I told Him that I wasn’t going to try and manipulate and control my future but that I believe what He has spoken over me will come to pass in His timing. The Holy Spirit reassured me that this year would be the year of peace, clarity, and a year where all my promises would come to pass. 

 February 2019 the biggest shift came in my life. I watched the dream I had back in August play out exactly how I dreamt it. God did a work on your heart in a short period of time. Removed things and people that was hindering you and gave you dreams and visions that lined up with mine. He put me on your heart and you prayed for me. You didn’t do anything without seeking God first and when He gave you the confirmation, you took it and ran with it. Trusting and believing every step of the way.

We went back to hanging out every day and having the deepest conversations. We’ve prayed, laughed, and cried together. Its only been a few months but it feels like 5 years. We’ve grown so much in the past couple of months and our faith and trust in God is stronger than ever. This is something we didn’t have to make work. This is something that we didn’t have to manipulate, or try and create on our own. Everything fell right into place once we both gave God our all, and that’s how I know this is Gods will for our life. This is how I know that there is an amazing God out there who only wants the absolute best for us. As cliche as it might sound, the truth of the matter is that when we let go and let God, He comes in and anoints every step.

Josh, I’m thankful for your kindness, your selflessness, and ability to see beyond what’s in front of you. I’m thankful for your heart and your ear to hear the Holy Spirit. I’m thankful that you care deeply for everyone in your life. You have the heart to go after the one. You go over and beyond for everyone. You put others first. You make me a priority always. You love like Jesus loves. You’re respectful, thoughtful, and you’re the most loyal person I know. You show grace and mercy to those who don’t deserve it. You pray for those who hurt you and give abundantly to those who have nothing. The anointing and calling on your life is so strong and I’m excited to see how God uses you!  You’re the man I prayed for. You’re the one who makes my heart happy and who challenges me to be the best in everything I do. You are and will always be my best friend. I can’t wait to see how God uses our story, and our gifting's to further his kingdom. What an honor and a blessing it is to be your FUTURE WIFE!!

God’s timing truly is the perfect timing